A WARNING TO TEENAGE CHECKOUT BOYS

If you are a teenage checkout boy please listen. Don't try to slag off a crying baby to her mother, the joke will back fire on you & your face will go so red that your spots will disappear into the firey glow.

Teenage Checkout Boy- Does he ever shut up?
Victoria- You were a baby once, did you?
TCB- He makes a noise, doesn't he?
V- SHE is a baby. Babies can't speak you know, they have to cry to communicate. She's only saying she's fed up & wants to go home.
TCB- My Grandma says problem babies make nice adults.
V- She isn't a problem baby. Were you a good baby then?
TCB- I'm confused...
V- Shall we just get on with the job in hand?
TCB- Sorry. Would you like any help with your....
V- NO.

HAPPY BACK TOGETHER ANNIVERSARY

Here is a very yummy chocolate fudge cake that I have made for Christian because today it is 8 years since we decided to give "us" 1 last chance to work!

Although we started seeing each other 15 years ago, we had a bit of a rocky start - to say the least! We used to work at the same pub all those years ago & after chasing & finally tricking me, Christian & I became an item. It was soon very obvious that I was more bothered about us than he, as he would frequently dump me whenever he might be in a situation whereby he would have to spend any money on me - like birthdays, Christmas etc - then take me back a week or 2 later. For example, for my 21st birthday, Christian bought me a drink! More fool me, some might say!

After a couple of years of this treatment, enough was enough & we went our seperate ways - not for long though.... can't live with, can't live without. But now it was my turn to be in charge! Christian was more bothered about me this time & didn't I just play it! We had a couple of years of being "friends with benefits"! Even Justin (Christian's brother) used to tell me off for this behaviour with "Stop messing my brother about, you're either with him or not"!

We then had another cooling off couple of years with not much contact other than letters, cards & drunken I love you phone calls! Then Christian sent me a letter stating that he was fine, life was great etc & I thought, "oh no you don't, what about me"! Time for a visit. We met up again & decided on 1st February 2000 that we were going to try 1 last time & if it didn't work, we would leave each other alone. Fortunatly, by this time we had both grown up a bit & knew that we only ever wanted each other anyway!

So there you have it, 8 years on, a mortgage, a wedding & 2 beautiful little girls & I'm the happiest person in the world! I love you Christian xxxxx

AMELIA ROSE BRIDDON

She's arrived!!! Finally, 9 days late, after all my whinging, the joint 1st most beautiful baby in the world was born!!
It all happened in the early hours of Sunday 27th January, I had got up to go to the loo at about 2:45, after, I heard 2 weird ripping/bursting sounds followed a stream of fluid! Knowing full well that this wasn't wee! I sat back down on the loo & called out that old familiar phrase, "Christian, I think my waters have just broken" - fortunately Alice was staying at my Mum's as we suspected something would happen this weekend.

I phoned the hospital, who advised me to "hang on until the morning before coming in" - from previous experience Christian & I knew that wasn't going to happen - then as the fluids kept on flowing, the contractions started. The 1st wasn't too bad, 15 mins later the 2nd was more uncomfortable, another 7 mins this time & Christian began his very important job of counting out loud for the length of the contraction. This gives me something to concentrate on & an idea that by 25ish it should start calming down a bit.

Anyway, we got in the car & thus began the most horrible car journey! The contractions were coming every 3 mins & lasting 40 - 50 seconds. I feel really sorry for the poor receptionist at Jessops hospital, I walked in, gave her my name & as she was starting to tell us where to go, I started staggering around saying "count Christian, count" & moaning "oh no...pant, pant, deep breaths" & a few seconds later then said "Sorry, which room did you say"!
After my rather dramatic entrance, I was examined straight away, bunged in to a wheelchair & raced down the corridor to a delivery room - I was fully dilated & ready to push (an action which cannot stop once you're ready to go!)

6 pushes later & no pain relief at all may I add, the very beautiful Amelia was handed to me, all 8lbs & 5ozs of her, aahhh!

Christian cut the cord & photographed the placenta, like all proud fathers do! Then we sat back, ate toast & drank tea, listened to the poor cow in the next room screaming, & laughed about the most ridiculous 100mins we had just spent, since I had got up in the night for a quick wee!!!

All pictures are here.

THE END IS NIGH

I think this will be my final pregnancy update! I am now 8 days late, the same as I was with Alice so fingers crossed. I saw the midwife yesterday & had an internal sweep, think latex gloves & James Herriot! She felt the baby's head & told me I was 3cm dilated, so something is happening. She also booked me in at Jessops Hospital to be induced if still no sign by next Friday & was laughing with the woman on the phone about me not making it that far anyway, she said she was 100% certain I will be delivering before then!

We thought the baby was coming last night as I was having light (10-15 second) contractions about every 30 mins - we were very excited, Alice slept at my Mum's, we went to bed to grab some sleep before lift off but these contractions had stopped when I woke up for my 12:30 wee -bugger!

Oh well, we'll see what today brings! I might also add that the final weight gain has been 2.5 stone! & my waist currently measures 49 & 3/4 inches!!! Get on that cross trainer Chunky!!!!

MY GOD WOMAN, CHEER UP!

I am such a miserable cow at the moment! All I seem to do is moan & complain. Believe me, I do know just how fortunate I am to be 39 & a half weeks pregnant, although we have the very perfect Alice, we were 2 years trying for her, with a rather cruel miscarriage just before her, then another year of trying & 2 more miscarriages before this baby (teenage chavs seem to just get pregnant by thinking about it), SO WHY AREN'T I ELATED?

Poor old Christian & Alice don't know where they are with me, I'm a fluffy bunny one minute & a pit bull the next, everything is too much trouble, walking upstairs leaves me breathless, sitting makes my pelvic bones ache, standing gives me backache, lying down is too much hassle for the amount of time it takes to get up, etc......
I don't remember feeling like this the last time. When I listen to myself it really upsets me because I think "You ungrateful cow!"

It won't be long now (I hope) & I'm actually looking forward to the giving birth part! I just want to hold our new baby in my arms & know that all is well. As for me, I will return to my usual old self & be able to run & jump up & sleep on my front & use my new cross trainer &.......

ENGAGED?...ALREADY?!

Yes it's true! I have been to see the midwife again today for a check up & she has confirmed that the baby's head has become engaged (ie. right down in my pelvis). I am very excited! The baby's body is also in a perfect birthing position - with it's spine running down the front of my tummy. It can quite happily stay in that position for a few weeks though, but we won't think like that!
The first part of it's journey into the world has begun & I am chuffed to bits!

As I am now 37 weeks, I only have 3 weeks left to go (or 21 days for the impatient!), but if it's anything like it's big sister- who was 8 days late - we could be waiting a bit longer. Lets just say he/she will arrive anytime between now & 1st Feb. Lets hope it's sooner rather than later for Christian's sake!

THINGS IT'S BEST NOT TO DO WHEN...

....your husband has gone out, there's a cake in the oven & your daughter is playing downstairs.

1. Have a bath.
Yesterday, Christian had gone out for a couple of hours, Alice was busy playing & I'd just put our chocolate fruitcake in the oven (for 1 & 3/4 hours). "Oh I know I'll just have a quick bath" thought I. Why I don't know, I never have a bath. I hurled my massive body (size 14 on a good day then add on 36 weeks pregnant!) into the bath, a bit of a tight squeeze but never mind. Then as I lay on the bottom of the bath washing my hair, I thought of 2 very important points:
a) Oops, I'm not supposed to lay flat, it cuts off the blood supply to the baby &
b) how the f*#k am I going to get up again!

After a good 5 mins of very unattractive thrashing around, I got out! Christian came home sometime later & found the whole "turtle stuck on it's back" incident highly amusing. What a silly girl I am, needless to say, I've had a shower this morning!

Anyway, must go, Mum's coming for Christmas Eve dinner tonight & there's lots to do. Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year to everyone & keep your fingers crossed that the baby hangs on until 1st January at least.

WHAT'S GOING WRONG!

I have just spent the past couple of hours very festively baking very yummy cinnamoney, treacley spiced biscuits & stained glass window tree decoration cookies - Yes I know my "Mum of the Year" trophy will be here shortly! So why is it that Alice (3 year old independent woman!) will only eat crappy Sainsburys 12 for 99p fairy cakes? My biscuits are really good!

CHRISTMAS DO'S ARE LIKE BUSES......

......you seem to stay in for ages then you get 3 do's in 1 week!
Last night was the first, I went to Rowleys in Baslow with Dianne (my mother-in-law - sod Les Dawson we get on very well indeed!) to a Christmas Cookery Club demonstration. It was really good, we watched the chef (Rupert Rowley, head chef at Fischers in Baslow & partner in Rowleys Restaurant) prepare a festive menu, then we went upstairs to the restaurant and ate it!

The Menu:
Egg nog (or lemonade for pregnant people!).
Hot smoked salmon fillet on a potato pancake with white wine sauce.
Ballontine of pheasant, partridge & pigeon with fondant potato & creamed cabbage.
Cranberry & caramelised chestnut Bakewell tart with Christmas pudding ice-cream.
Coffee, mince pies & chocolates.

Very delicious!

We had the meal upstairs on mixed tables, there were 6 on ours. Unfortunately headed by a Peak District toff, you know the type "I bought a new mobile phone so the wife bought a house in London, larf larf snort"! as though she's frivolously bought chocolate biscuits instead of plain! Oh yes, he was very rich and was right about everything. I am definitely having a boy - he's never wrong you know! Funny that, people have been sexing this baby for 4 months now & no one has actually said "I'm usually wrong about these things, but you're having a girl"!

Anyway, he made for amusing conversation and we had a good night all in all. Thank you to David (my father-in-law) who's treat it was.
Next stop - girlie's night out on Thursday - we're off into town in the Briddon Party Bus!

I'M HAVING A GOOD DAY

You know when everything is going your way, not major things, just little things - today is one of those days. I woke up feeling good this morning even thought it was 6:30 on a winters morning. Christian & I have swapped cars until I have the baby, although I love my little Peugeot 206, it is little & I can't get in & out of it too well at the moment - stomach:steering wheel problems! Christian was not looking forward to his 1st day of driving with his knees by his ears, so that was nice for me!

Then whilst getting Alice dressed for school, I noticed her body was covered in spots - chicken pox at last - hooray! We've been wanting her to catch it for a while, just so it gets it out of the way for her whilst she's young - it can be nasty the later you catch it. She is very well though, in fact she's even more impish than usual!

Then we went to Matalan, yes I know it's horrible - Christian says why pay to go to the zoo when you can go to Matalan for free!- but it's the only place that sell lovely soft sports type bras for my massive pregnant wabbers, 38DD so far - I thank you! Anyway I found a tenner on the floor, so I bought my 2 bras & still made £2 change!

We got home literally seconds before a big rain storm, which drenched one of our neighbours! Oh what a good day - I wonder what's next.....